That Stupid Kind Of Love!

A stupid kind of love

Fills my heart

Why do we always have to part?

Does love come to me

Unrequited each time

Can’t he just be in love with me?

The waiting makes my head spin

But I know this is just temporary

Because once the aching ends I’ll just plainly see.

That it’s that stupid kind of love again…

He walks away easily

Doesn’t know he’s touched my life in many ways

That he became the reason to smile through each day.

Imagine myself talking to him

The nights fill up with dreams of his

As soon as I awaken his sweet name comes to my lips.

But it’s the stupid kind of love,forbidden in every way.

I lie listening to a song we might dance to

Or one where he’ll hold me close to him

But this tune only takes him away further as I am losing him.

Why the stupid kind of love, always the disaster

I wonder if he thinks of me?

And I believe he does sometime

But fantasy always makes a fool of me maybe not this time.

Hello oh stupid kind of love

Do you wait for me too?

Do you see me everywhere?

Do you go a little insane?

Oh that stupid kind of love

Won’t you sometimes just ask me to stay?

Lie awake talking to me

Or hold my hand tight

Stupid kind of love

Maybe I should give up now

Try to think of something else

Clear my thoughts of you now

Stupid kind of love

You’re fading away

But linger still

You’re far away

But still walk with me in the shadows

Why do I always have to be that stupid girl with that stupid kind of love?

Oh stupid love!

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Country Radio

This Eric Church lyric I just can’t get enough.Springsteen a song I can listen to a million times.I’m spending Saturday night in listening to Keith Urban’s Graffiti U and as you’ve guessed nothing better to do so I’m going to list my ten most loved country numbers.I hope we have some in common.

1.Springsteen

Just the beautiful rhythm of this song has me putting it on repeat.I do think about 17 when I hear Eric Church.

2.You’ll Think Of Me

This could be the best breakup song ever.Keith Urban can infuse feeling into every word he sings.Take your records,take your freedom.

3.Lonely Tonight

Blake Shelton is such a good storyteller.I don’t have to be lonely tonight because I have music.

4.Vice

This is such a smooth and sexy number while still being heartbreaking.Miranda Lambert a female country singer I love.

5.She’s My Kind Of Rain

Tim McGraw the kind of voice you look for in a country song.

6.Speakers

Just us and the speakers on.Sam Hunt is groovy.

7.Drunk Girl

This is that sweet country number about a sweet country boy.Chris Janson sounds every bit sweet.Take a drunk girl home this Saturday night.

8.In Case You Didn’t Know

I think Brett Young is the new kid on the block but incase he doesn’t know I’m really crazy about his voice.

9.I’m Coming Over

Nice deep country voice.Chris Young makes you believe he’s coming over,the hell with the closure.

10.Home Alone Tonight

Home alone tonight which I am.Something a little upbeat to end my list with.Luke Bryan insists I don’t have to be home alone tonight.

I love country music for how it makes me feel the saddest song can make me feel happy and positive.I love how the songs tell you a story.

What’s your favourite country number to listen to on a July Saturday night? 🎶

Young,Innocent Magic!

Have you ever felt love?Felt real happiness.The kind that hits you after a long period of loneliness,isolation and darkness.The kind that engulfs you unexpectedly but yet remains so genuine.

I felt it today.Today has been six months into my new teaching job.I got this opportunity after taking a long break from work only running classes at home.Today was our school annual day and I put up two skits with the children being their speech and drama teacher.Just six months ago my only goal was to get through three months of work without quitting.When I saw the children perform on stage without any inhibitions in the most natural self, I felt such joy.Not only that they have been by me through all the practices giving me ideas,suggestions and practically handling the plays themselves without me giving any direction.The kindnesses the children have shown me throughout last month has touched my heart and helped stay motivated and driven.

I also had great teachers and support staff who helped me through it all and yes mommy dearest.

I will never stop saying and the point of this entire post is the children.No one has known true love if they haven’t been around children.They can be your only reason to live and you would not need anything or anyone more.They can be tough on you too but the smile they bring to your face makes it all worthwhile.

We enjoyed putting up the show and had a lot of fun rehearsing having our own inside jokes and codes.

The children know so much about coming together as a team than we do.They egg each other on,don’t mind if they have the smallest parts and bond through it all so beautifully.

I am truly blessed to get through today with a big smile on my face.I doubted myself so often but the children had confidence and the spirit of letting go a bit and still come across beautifully on stage.

We did two skits one which I bought online and it was about a bunch of bullies at Sam’s Cafe who get saved by Sam,his friends and customers from sinking into a river in scene two.

The second one was with the younger children and it taught us that it was okay to be different.

The rest of the show put up by the other teachers including dances from around the world and a lovely musical skit was splendid too.

Happiness can be felt I think we just always look for it in the wrong places.Find your passion,make a goal and work hard.It might take the long road to get there but you will find that pretty sunset at the end.

The children….please let them be a part of your life.They will be your stardust and they are the magic in my life.

To all my nice kids I’ll always be there!

My Shadow Days Are Over Now

If you look back on my first post it would reflect the vagueness,the confusion I felt back then,the lack of clarity and absolute uncertainty I predicted for myself for a few years.

All through the darkness though you will always find yourself crawl towards the light.Often it seems as though you may never find happiness but we all possess in us a will and determination.We continue to strive to survive no matter what.Even if we don’t see it within us it finds you and gently pushes you onwards.

In my teaching career I have had so many ups and downs in these last few years that imagined there would be a day I’d have to stop pursuing it altogether.Even then to stay connected with something I love to do I started a small Elocution,Speech and Drama class.I ran it from home and had just a handful of children coming to me.I frankly didn’t think I’d be able to earn a living from it but it let me teach which is what I wanted.

Today I’m back teaching Speech and Drama in a school.I haven’t felt such happiness in a long time.Happiness to be in a classroom full of children.Happiness in learning creative ways to approach different lessons and classes.Happiness in interacting with students when putting up short skits for school programmes.Happiness from just stepping out of the house each morning and have somewhere to go where I know and can hope to learn,grow and love what I do more than ever before.All that I’ve missed for so long.

The point really is that we make mistakes,we fall,we plunge into darkness but we have to find a way to continue to love,to hope, to let go and stay happy.You don’t need to find it either it’s inside you slowly lighting up the way till you feel a little alive,till you can find the strength to push away the negativity and pull towards you all that’s buried deep in your heart and let you breathe again.

So this year find your happy day,have a little moon dance and don’t let anything ever kill that vibe!

Lovestorm

Rain…

The rain beats heavily on my window pane
Its incessant and a little bit wild.

But it reminds me of you

Takes me back to the place

Where the rain meant we were together

The rain meant that you were closeby

The rain meant love

The rain meant you…

I don’t know if the coolness of the rain made me glow or the warmth in your face…

The forbidding rain didn’t scare me it swept me away in your cool mist…

The rain beating hard

Only reminds me of you

It doesn’t chill or threaten

But fills my heart with visions 

Of you and me in that beautiful rain again…

You are not my winter love or my summer sweetheart

You are my rain…my storm full of love…

A little gratitude

Life does seem to be the same year after year.Although there aren’t many surprises or new adventures that I embark on(don’t think I’m the adventurous sort),there isn’t anything new in the love front or I think will ever be and work is slow,despite all of this I have those special moments to be grateful for,the tiny blessings that come my way.

So I’m going to list down some of the things I’ve been thankful for,being that we are half way through 2017.

Home improvement

We took up a home improvement project in Summer and I thoroughly enjoyed it.The absolute chaos around the house,the workers coming in and out,seeing the house slowly transforming not into entirely something new but new and sparkling just the same.Loved the hustle and bustle it created for a short time in our lives and my new work shelf.


Getaway with big sister

My sister treats me to a trip to Goa every year since younger sister is always broke.We had a really relaxing time and being by the beach was wonderful.The beach in the rains is beautiful and I loved the wind and the spray of rain on me.It does nourish my soul to be there with my soul sister and hate coming back which explains the grumpiness on the way back.




Books

I’ve taken up reading again like I’m on some kind of read-a-thon.Books have kept me company,they’ve helped me switch off from my phone and they’re so comforting.No greater solace than a good book.My favourite read this year has been the one I’m currently reading.The Girl You Left Behind-Jojo Meyes..it’s lovely.The kind of book you want to finish but not quite.


Friend

Yes I say friend because I’ve had one constant friend this year who I can talk to everyday about everything.From the mundane to the important to just about anything.I’m grateful I have at least one such friend in this world.


Sweet mother

Mum has been my constant companion and I can vent out just about anything to her.She’s not judgemental about things that bother me and understands completely where I’m coming from.I love her so.


Drawings

I’m no artist but lately I look up a picture and try to sketch it.It gives me great joy and I love adding a filter to it occasionally.


Bandra by foot

Bandra is my home and one of my friends arranged a walk through some of its tiny winding lanes and we ended up getting some great pictures.Pictures of home..so much to still discover about it.



Six little sunbeams

I have six little children who come to me for classes which is the only work I have and they really keep me going.I love it when we can laugh together.


Every year although the universe denies me a lot,I am unusually blessed by these simple moments and wonderful people that make the world seem like a special place to be and fill my heart with contentment.

What makes you content,what makes you breathe a little,what makes you smile,what makes you feel loved,what makes your world go round? 

Harley,my brother and me!


I don’t know much about bikes or how they work.Hell I don’t know how to ride a bicycle.But the one thing I love about them is the sound.I love bikes that have a raw almost beautiful roar.

As teenagers we used to sit by the promenade on the beach and apart from the boys we loved admiring the bikes.Our heads would turn if we would hear the roar of a bike even from a distance.

Even now I’m most fascinated if a Harley Davidson would pull up next to the rickshaw I’m riding in well which has its own strange sound but not quite like the Harley next to me.

These days I truly believe that things you often dream of come to you almost unexpectedly.Accidently on a day you think would be just ordinary there is a happy surprise..serendipity.

So on a Monday morning when you’re hit that you have a week ahead of you until the weekend again,my brother in law takes me on my first Harley ride (his friend’s bike loaned to him for a month).Well I couldn’t believe that I was actually going to sit on one.

It was great seeing my brother ride into the lane.Ahhhh! The roar was just magical..really sweet!


So all I had to do was wear a helmet which took me awhile to figure out,get my shades on and get on.

From the moment we started I went into a space where I felt a connection with the bike and the road.Everything else just seemed to fade away into the background including my thoughts.

Just to mention here that I felt really cool and so like a biker chic.

We even saw the parade for May Day and ended the ride with a lovely breakfast.Brother and sister both equally thrilled.I think we both didn’t talk much and just loved the sheer joy of riding on a Harley!

Things do happen in your life that may seem random but lead to something that makes you incredibly happy.It always comes in the most mysterious and silent ways,holding your heart and your mind for that moment where you pause and say to yourself this is what I had once wished for and it leaves with that gentle,beautiful roar reminding you to have faith in the universe and above all yourself.

Cheers to many more Harley experiences and dreams coming true!

Slow Dance

Silence can mean a lot of things.Lately I’ve found that the more I want to spend time alone the more content I feel with myself and everything around.

Growing inward though is just not about a happy and spiritual feeling.It starts with overthinking.Overthinking about everything from relationships to career to lost love.

Then the overthinking leads you to do stupid things.Once that’s done you think some more.In all your solitude,the loneliness that seeps into you,you begin to find answers.

Answers that help you find the calm after,answers that renew your spirit and answers that let you continue to question everything about yourself,the good and the bad,the new and the old,what you are and who you will be.

Growing inward,being silent just gives you a chance to truly love yourself.This does not mean that your connections with people weaken.It only helps you to stay open to new experiences to new people entering your life and strengthen the old ones and infuse love into them again.

I know I write this in a time when I haven’t had chances to meet people,friends.It has even then been a moment of great happiness to find the me in me,to find my own space,to be my own best friend and to hope with a big smile of things yet to come when things won’t be as quiet or deep,that there will be laughter and the chatter of friends around me.It’s just that now I know that I can find my joy in both worlds.Accepting and appreciating what comes to me in every moment and embrace it fully.

So don’t let your silence break your heart.Don’t let it kill you to sit in the dark.Give that silence,a hug and trust that it will have a long conversation with you.It will slowly start to feel like a party for two.A slow dance between you and your soul.

The Little Woman

Everyone is celebrating Women’s Day today.They are celebrating strong,independent,savvy and beautiful women.I wonder if I fit in any of those categories or ever have.Is there any room for the kinder,gentler kind of women.The one who prefer home over an office.The one who still dream of finding love in order to have a complete life.The one who is no superwoman or one that can multitask.

Is there room for the plainer,simpler kind? The one who craves space instead of filling every minute of the day accomplishing and achieving.

I wonder if people hold the same admiration for a woman a little shy,a little less bold,unambitious but never holding back on compassion,her giving ways,loving those around her and having her own passions and interests.I wonder if Women’s Day celebrates the Softer Souls not just the Strong Ones.

To all the women retain your weirdness,your tenderness,your compassion.Don’t let the world make you hard and bitter.Be gentler always mostly to yourself.Stay kind,choose love and family over extra hours at work.Be strong if you must we must all be to survive just never forget the woman in you.

Being soft is never a weakness it is only one loving way of staying strong!!

Happy Women’s Day to all kinds of women!!

End the day with Ellen!


It’s funny how sometimes a simple T.V.  show can become your comforting moment at the end of a long,tiring day and you find yourself looking forward to it everyday.Well this one show I never liked at the start or paid much attention to(maybe I couldn’t keep up with all the jokes because it’s so ‘American’) has now become my happy and peaceful moment of the day.

The Ellen Degeneres  Show is not one of those shows which is just an addiction no not at all,it’s something very positive.Ellen the host for me has this whole magical,upbeat,sweet and sunshiny aura.She truly radiates in the way she looks,how she interacts with celebrity guests,her spontaneous dancing with the audience and making everyone laugh be young or old.

Not only that she’s supercool and so with the times it scares me to see her lip sync with songs I have no clue about:p Her sense of humour just goes with her lovely voice.

Although the show revolves around celebrities,musicians,sports personalities you never get that rich and famous vibe about the show.All the guests show their witty,funny and down to earth side and are so sporting.

tWitch who is the resident DJ of the show is in harmony with everything and in total sync with Ellen.He lends a great presence to the show and I always picture him and his moves when I think of the lovely theme song by P!nk for the show ‘Today’s the day’.


The show has another element I love which are the surprise prizes and charities they are involved with.Ellen really goes by her words ‘Be kind to everyone’.It’s nice that she stresses on the importance of kindness.The world really needs it.

All the cool games like ‘Oops my water broke!’ create an atmosphere of fun.

At this point you may be wondering why all the information about a show everyone maybe already watching.It is such a good part of my day that I had to write about how much I love watching Ellen.

To Ellen I say always stay smiling,beautiful,radiate and keep spreading your generous sunshine.

🎶 I used to want to grow up
I thought that I could be free

But now I’m realizing

It’s cool, it ain’t for me

It’s cool, cause all my dreams

Are more than possibilities

I get so vicious

When I don’t feel delicious

I just need a friend

So much to carry

These days are kinda scary I don’t want the fun to end
Oh oh oh

Today’s the day I’ve been waiting for

Tomorrow won’t come after all

Yesterday’s so far away

This today is the only day

Somebody please stop the clock

Oh oh oh

Don’t ever let this day stop

Oh oh oh

I never wanna go home

No

No, no no
I’m a say today’s my day

I’m a say today’s my day

I’m a say today’s my day

I’m a say it’s gonna go my way
I’m a say today’s my day

I’m a say today’s my day

I’m a say today’s my day

I’m a say it’s gonna go my way

Oh oh oh🎶


Good night Ellen!